My Maternity Shoot!

I asked a friend from our church, Sojourn, to do maternity portraits for us. She does photography for our church campus and is pretty awesome. She currently specializes in event photography but is wanting to get into weddings and portraits. So we set a date, chose a location, and had everything ready to go! However, I had this constant voice in the back of my mind questioning whether or not we could really spend the money on getting these photos done. Why was it so important to me? We did not get professional photos done when I was pregnant with Tessa. And I loved how I looked pregnant! When you are scrawny and have no shape, you enjoy those months with a baby bump =) With this pregnancy, I wanted to have these moments captured before the baby bump becomes our little guy! So I fought the voice. I told it to be quiet. My husband knew I really wanted them, so he had no problem with spending the money. Then the bank accepted our offer on the condo (we've been waiting for two months)! We knew financially buying the condo would make things tight for awhile (down payment, closing costs, two months rent for breaking our lease, inspections...), but I didn't realize how it would feel writing all those checks! Last week we wrote a check for an appraisal down payment for the bank we will be getting our loan from-did NOT know about that expense. Then we wrote a check to our real estate agency for $700-money we will eventually get back if we close on the condo (if we change our minds, they keep the money unless it is because of a problem with the condo). Even though we will get it back, it will be at least a month from now (or more) and well, I guess I am going on and on...needless to say, when Crockett got a surprise while getting his oil changed ($100 break problem), I decided we had to cancel the shoot. It was just too much in one week with more checks to write the next week! I cancelled...two days before the shoot...and decided we would still get up early Saturday morning, get out my tripod, and take some photos. And though there a lot of poses/angles I wish we could have gotten that weren't really possible with using a tripod and taking them myself, we did get some beautiful images that we will always treasure. Here are a few I've edited so far-Enjoy!

  

Fix-It Friday!

I decided to edit the I Heart Faces Fix-It Friday photo (that's a mouthful!) this past week. Participating in Fix-It Fridays is a great way to learn new editing skills from other photographers and discover what style you love as a photographer. I am still limited because I do not have Photoshop (on the bottom of our priority list as we are currently purchasing a condo), but I do what I can! Here is my edit: 

Bolt Maternity Shoot

Kerri and I met through a mutual friend, and I was so excited at the opportunity to take her maternity photos! We all got to know each other during shooting, and let me tell you, this couple will impress you with their cycling skills! I can go about .5 miles before I wear out...they can go 20 with no problem. Kerri told me the most she's done was "just 40"! I can't even comprehend that...and Chris does that much on a regular basis! They are so excited to meet their baby girl soon and so thankful for the miracle of a healthy pregnancy! It was a blessing to provide them with the gift of these photos to remember this sweet time. 

Zaine Photo Session

Meet Zaine! He is a sweet, fun little boy, transitioning from babyhood to toddlerhood and always on the go! He is the same age as our baby girl (who is also leaving babyhood behind...so sad!), and I had a wonderful time chasing him around to get some precious memories his family can cherish. Enjoy some of my favorites from his shoot!

On the Topic of Rejection and Critique

How do you respond to rejection and/or critique?

My heart races. My body temperature rises. And I feel like curling up in a ball and crying for hours. Yes, for hours. 

Why is critique so difficult for me? First and foremost because I am a sinner. I care too much about the opinions of others. I want to be high and exalted in their eyes. When I discover how they really see me, it is crushing. And I forget God's truth. I begin to define myself by the flaws that have been thrust into my lap by those doing the critiquing. My feelings grow and swell and suddenly I believe myself to be worthless, unable to offer anything to anyone. 

This is especially true in the area of ministry. Why? I felt called into the ministry in high school. I went to school and received a degree in ministry. I was prepared and daily encouraged by my professors that I had what it takes, that I had something to offer. I made an A in every class I ever took! All of this added up to rejection after rejection as I applied for job after job. I wasn't what anyone was looking for. I wasn't good enough. My weaknesses were too great. How humbling it is to feel like people are telling you that you are not even qualified to share the Gospel! I should have been a doctor...

I keep thinking after each new obstacle that rejection and critique will get easier, that I will grow into a woman who always responds with grace and truth. But today I find myself ready to mope around about another rejection received, even though if I had received an invitation, I would have rejected it...strange how our emotions work! 

I have also had conversations with my husband on the topic of lying about what I believe my weaknesses to be in an interview. Apparently those interviewing for ministry position do not believe that in our weaknesses, Christ is strong =) So I should change my weakness into something that isn't really a weakness...something that is acceptable-like being too devoted to my work! 

Don't worry...I haven't yet lied...

The feeling of not being wanted or needed is always difficult. Will it always cause me to question who I am? My value? I hope not. God has me in a role now that is very important. I am a wife and a mommy. I have a little girl who follows me around every second of the day. And although that doesn't always affirm who I am like it should, it does help me remember why I am here and that this is my ministry. I have the opportunity to share the Gospel with my baby girl each and every day. If I fail at that, it wouldn't matter if I received hundreds of job offers from ministries around the world. My family is my primary ministry, everything else is secondary. God has a plan for me. One day He might allow me to serve Him in the ways I feel called. Or He may not. But I have to live each day glorifying Him where He has placed me and trusting in who His Word defines me to be.

Here is a recent photo of my ministry with her big girl pigtails!