The New Year

This year has seemed to fly by, though that is what everyone usually says at the end of the year. I celebrated my 2 year anniversary with my husband, found out we were having a baby girl on the same day (after being so certain we would have a boy!), gave birth (still amazed I did that) in May, and have watched our baby girl transform from a tiny, wrinkly newborn to a chubby, bouncy 7 month old. I held my good friend's newborn boy about an hour ago, and I couldn't help but want another one already! There is something so precious about their little grunts, stretches, and faces they make in their sleep! I miss it! But each stage is special, and I am thoroughly enjoying my silly baby girl! She constantly makes us laugh, and it is so fun to watch her discovering the world. Each moment I've had with her has been treasured, and I am thankful God has allowed me to be with her full-time. This doesn't mean that every moment has been easy! Many days I have definitely wanted to pull my hair out! But from the beginning I knew it would all pass quickly, so I did my best to cherish each moment, even the hard ones.

As I approach the new year, I have decided to do a photography challenge. I am not planning long-term, but thinking perhaps a 30 day challenge or a weekly challenge might be best for me. I was just looking at a few on Pinterest, and after I decide, I hope to post the challenge and the subsequent picture on here. I have been attempting to edit some overdue 6 month pictures today of Tessa and so wish I had someone to just show me what to do! I learn so much easier with a teacher. Don't you hate when you spend over an hour doing something only to find out it  could have been done in 5 minutes? Ugh. I am determined though. I want to be a family photographer and I really believe it will not be another passing passion. I want to stick with this one! My dream is to one day stay at home full-time with our kids and do photography on the side. I ordered a lens two days ago, a fixed focal length, f/1.8, 35mm that I'm pretty excited about! Simple lens that I believe is a good investment. I can't wait to have a wider aperture! Ha. So anyways, I think having a new lens will definitely contribute to motivation for the photography challenge and hopefully to an improvement in my photography.

This year has also been difficult with the death of a member of our first small group from Sojourn, a friend from home who was part of our small group there, and Crockett's uncle. They occurred one after the other, making the end of this year really focused around death. I am looking towards 2012 knowing more death will surely coming, still hoping it doesn't, but trusting in the Lord to get me through. The reality is that I could lose my husband and/or my baby girl in 2012. I could die. Everything I know could be over. But I will continue to pursue photography, scrapbooking, headband-making, sewing, etc. I will continue to enjoy these small things that are meaningless in the scheme of eternity because they provide me with happiness and excitement and passion. I will continue to enjoy my husband and my baby girl, my family, my church and my friends, because they are the great joys God has blessed me with during my time on earth. I will enjoy the everyday miracles of ordinary life--Tessa's first steps, welcoming more newborns into the world, snowing falling, flowers blooming,--because though life on earth is short, it does not have to be void of enjoyment in the everyday. I may even be expecting again this year =) who knows? I pray I can grow in my relationship with the Lord, share the Gospel with my mouth (I am prone to shyness), and enjoy the time He has given me just for the sake of enjoying it.

May my life this next year be a reflection of knowing Him. May others, especially those I care about the most that do not really know Him, see the joy and abundance that is only possible through a life lived for Him.

To Die is Gain

So I finally made a blog =) As you can tell, it is in the very beginning stages, and I have lots to do! I am so thankful that God has given me so many blessings at this point in life. I have a wonderful husband of almost 3 years, and a beautiful, healthy daughter. He could have chosen not to give me either of them. Or He could have chosen to take them back to Himself after only a short while. But so far, He has continued to allow me to enjoy these earthly blessings. I pray that if He does ask me to give them up, whether sooner or later, I will have the trust and faith in Him to do it without anger or bitterness. I do not know where He will take us in life, but I am striving to have a new perspective that is helping me towards contentment. We all must die, unless of course Christ returns. We spend so much time planning out the details of our lives that we forget about this reality, or just shove it in the back of our minds because we do not like to think about it. I did both. I have always been fearful of death, especially the death of Crockett and now the death of Tessa. It is natural to hate death. It is part of the curse. But I did not realize I feared it so much that when confronted with it, I began to doubt everything. I began to question life and its meaning. I saw no reason to continue living when I could die at any moment. It was a difficult but good process to go through. I am thankful God brought me through with a renewed trust in His Word and His promises. It has helped me to think more about the reasons behind my actions, the way I live each day, and fulfilling God's purpose for my life. The Gospel is truth. It is the ultimate reality. In heaven we will be more alive than we ever were on earth. So why am I living for this life so much? Why do I cling so tightly to it all? I am battling this on a daily basis, but the reality of my death (whenever it may occur) continues to help me put things in perspective. I want to enjoy the gifts God has given me on earth, but I do not want to dismiss the reality of eternity. I want to be able to say and believe "to live is Christ and to die is gain."